ZEN METAL on Second Life

Come and get to know people on ZEN METAL so we can introduce our friends to each other! ZEN METAL is a real-life life coach’s relationship generator for people who are fine with being just friends with other single adults. (Shocker!)

ZEN METAL is for people who know what they want and are not shy about talking about it. If your standards are high, you probably also respect other people’s high standards… At least you should!

ZEN METAL Ladies and Gentlemen

True Ladies and Gentlemen have nothing better to do with their time than to make life more enjoyable for everyone – could there be anything better to do than that? This means that ladies and gentlemen do their best to take other’s feelings into account and not offend them needlessly. Having said that, taking offense for the sake of offense is another form of an attack an attempt to make another person feel bad about themselves, and that is simply not something that ladies or gentlemen do.

This means that on ZEN METAL, we may educate, and we do educate, we share ideas and thoughts, we discuss all matters as a form of entertainment… And finally:

Gentlemen are entitled to their vices. That said, it is a lady who says what is alright and what is not. And each lady is the ruler of their house. A gentleman, in his core, is always a servant to the ladies, and that said, it is the responsibility of a lady to watch over the gentlemen as they watch over us.

We always hold a responsibility of the feelings of each other – but this responsibility should not be taken advantage of.

Ladies and gentlemen will strive to be kind to those who are kind, and tough with those who are not.

You must be OK being rejected, and help others find <3!

This isn’t a question of whether you are willing or brave enough to commit to a high-level individual, as those people are not hard to find, it’s a question of being OK with the fact YOU, yourself might not meet everybody’s standards, either. If you are genuinely OK with rejection, for whatever ridiculous reason that you’ll accept no persuasive questions asked, ZEN METAL is for you.

If you were to get to know a person and you realize that you are not what they’re looking for, your authentic, painless reaction must be “That’s OK, I’ll find someone else.” Further, if you happen to KNOW someone who is exactly what your friend is looking for, your first, unquestioned reaction must be “I’ll introduce you to a friend of mine who is exactly what you’re looking for.” Heck, you’d introduce them to your worst enemy if you thought they were a match!

Join us on Second Life to explore relationships without guilt, pressure, or pretense. Match those who value love the same way. Let’s get to know each other, let’s talk and find out what everyone is looking for themselves, and let’s play Cupid for the friends we make.

If you are new to Second Life, find instructions here.

Looks don’t matter to you? They more than likely matter to people who are willing to put in the effort themselves, to the level they are willing to put the effort into it. If looks don’t matter to you, they may matter to other people, and you must be OK with that.

Intelligence doesn’t matter? IQ is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT factor to match for relationships. You may not notice the importance if you haven’t tried to form a meaningful connection to someone whose IQ is 30 points or more lower than yours. (From an average person’s perspective, we’d be looking at a person with an IQ of 60, “significantly impaired mental development”. Yet, a low-level genius, someone just barely smart enough to enter Mensa, has an IQ 50 points higher than the average person. IT MATTERS.)

Mutual interests are for children? Relationships are for more than just survival. We’re not attempting to match household chore schedules, we’re supposed to enjoy life just by being with the people we enjoy being with.

Don’t confuse lust with love? Lust may not always lead to love, but if there is no lust, it’s definitely not romantic love. “I’m just not attracted to you.” Is a perfectly valid reason for rejection.

Women just don’t want sex like men do? Heterosexual women do want sex with men as much as men want sex with women; it’s just that we cannot compete with a closet lesbian willing to play the role of a sexual vixen with a high sexual moral code just long enough to get a commitment out of a guy. Don’t be fooled by “sexual morals.” Only lesbians and die-hard religious people uphold those past the age of 19 when they finally figure out how silly they are.

Men just don’t want relationships? Men don’t want relationships with women they’re not attracted to or in love with. Just like women don’t.

Commitment phobic? Or just a person afraid of making lifelong commitments to people who should be nothing but temporary acquaintances if that.

Commitment is the key? Only if you are happy with a mediocre relationship with a random person because you want to avoid facing a real person and possible rejection and abandonment as a result of being known.

What matters in relationships is up to a community vote?! Not anymore. YOU decide what matters to you in a relationship, no matter how meaningless it may seem to someone looking for a partner in a narcissistic survivor game rather than a true soul connection and a romantic partner.

Men and women cannot be just friends? We can if we’re not mutually attracted to each other… Nor too narcissistic to accept not everyone wants to jump your bones.

Come and make friends with people who are more than happy to keep you company in all ways sensual until you find your true love – and help you find them, too!

 

Feel me? Come and hang out at ZEN METAL!

Many believe that commitment is the foundation of a successful relationship—but this belief creates more problems than it solves. Focussing too much on the importance of commitment also opens doors for using shaming strategies to secure a relationship without having to face any of one’s own fears of openness and honesty.

How Commitment-First Thinking Backfires:

1. Effort Disappears: When commitment is seen as the only requirement, people stop putting effort into how you treat your partner. Love, respect, and kindness become optional because “commitment” is already secured and non-negotiable.
2. Excusing Toxic Behavior: Some test their partner’s devotion through mistreatment, believing that true commitment means enduring anything. This mindset can enable emotional or even physical abuse in a relationship.
3. Forcing a False Narrative: Committing to a relationship without truly knowing or loving the other person leads to self-deception. Both partners end up maintaining a facade to make things appear “right” on the surface.
4. A person with a fear of commitment can project that fear onto their partner and keep claiming their partner is the one with issues, not them. A person like this is a rejection junkie – they try and pressure unwilling people into relationships to prove OTHERS are worse at commitment than they are!

How Commitment-First Thinking “Solves” Problems—But at a Cost:

1. Avoiding True Vulnerability: When people commit to a relationship rather than their partner they never have to fully see or be seen by their partner. They avoid the risk of rejection and abandonment but at the cost of real connection.

At ZEN METAL, we believe connection comes first. Love thrives when it’s based on mutual desire, authenticity, and respect—not just an agreement to stay together at any cost for the sole reason of having a relationship to show off to friends and family.

If you want to put this annoyance to bed and focus on having fun, even LIGHT conversations and interactions with people without worrying the heavy air of “must commit” join ZEN METAL!

ZEN METAL is for people who want to meet real people somewhere they are currently not – in a virtual world. We are hoping to find a real connection with someone and avoid people who lack respect of our dreams and relationship non-negotiables… Relationship necessities.

We’ll make friends first, and as our network of friends grow, so does our opportunity to being introduced to more interesting people! Your job at ZEN METAL is not to find the One True Love only, but to make friends and to get to know people you have NO INTENTION ON THIS GOD’s GREEN EARTH to commit to!

We hope to eventually bring the best relationships into the real world, but in due time, with the right, carefully picked special people. For this, conversations need to happen, interactions need to happen, and real fun needs to be had before locking people into commitments based on a first come first serve attitude.

ZEN METAL is not for age, sex, location -people. We ask a thousand more questions, we share dad jokes and puns, we find out our favorite comedians’ names, we delve into our favorite bands, our most cherished books, and authors, and we care for our looks and health in general.

We are not aiming for marriage per se; we want a connection – a soul connection that is worth ripping our first life apart for, no matter how set in its ways it is now. ZEN METAL is for emotional risk takers who are not terrified of rejection even if nobody likes it that much.

This is for people who don’t care for relationship performance as much as they want to adore their lover – their personality, way of being, way of thinking, not just their level of commitment.

Don’t even visit other sims anymore – haha – just join ZEN METAL and make your home with us.

Short form rules

If you decide to attend more than 3 ZEN METAL events or to live on ZEN METAL land, you’ll need to have a realistically sized avatar shape (1.60-1.80 meters for women, 1.70 m ideal and 1.70-2.05 meters, 1.90 m ideal for men) and you’ll wear it to my locations without fail.

You come in, and see what happens. You’re permitted to express yourself in any way you wish, and then suffer the consequences of it. You will be taking part in virtual, psychological, spiritual, and societal experimentation/simulation… Blindly.

The League of Gentlemen events on ZEN METAL land are exempt of these rules and answer to Kelwyn Marenwolf directly.

Long-form rules: The rationale and the consequences

(Some exceptions are stated separately when accessing locations after taking the ZEN METAL SeeKin test, ZEN MEAL Personality Quest, or after using one of ZEN METAL Doors. This applies everywhere else:)

1. I am not asking you to conform to the following, I’m asking if agree with this, and if not, I’m asking you to leave and find another hangout.
2. I am not going to teach you how to be a lady or a gentleman by the owner’s (Sebastyne Alpha’s) definition. This should be in your backbone by now.
3. Ultimately, I, the owner, Sebastyne Alpha will decide what goes and what does not. In short: I’m kind to the kind and have 0 tolerance for bullshit after it stops being entertaining.
4. Ladies and Gentlemen know when they are not welcome. That said, please don’t be overly sensitive, we don’t want to lose cool people, you know?

Scale

I am prepared to work my ass off to make your stay with ZEN METAL the best fun you’ve had on Second Life. I’ll plan, I script, I’ll hone, resize, adjust, perfect it. I’ll do all of this alone, and I’ve been doing it for years just to prepare my sim for what I want to do with you all. I’ll pay the god damned bills, too. I’m currently literally thousands of dollars in the hole paid from my personal funds for this sim, what’s on it, and what’s waiting in my inventory.

I am not asking you to pay. Not asking you to donate (although you can, there’s tip jars around the sim). Not asking you to buy anything, either.

The one thing I ask you to do for me is to scale your avatar to a realistic size. You can use the exact avatar you have now, but with a different, shape. I’ll even make a free shape for you, for your head and your body type as you want it, modifiable so you can adjust the little details yourself.

As a consequence, you’ll probably need to learn how to use your camera better you may also need to set a few presets for your follow camera.

The ZEN METAL purpose for existence.

1. The main purpose of ZEN METAL is to have a fun time waiting for the right one(s) around people who GET IT. To be around people who understand your point. We may be single or always a bit aloof and detached for years while remaining faithful to the perhaps hypothetical Right One(s).
2. We study relationship psychology and spirituality as a hobby, and everyone participating will volunteer themselves as a psychological test subject to curious amateurs. We effectively play with each other’s emotions whilst learning how to give pleasure to others by doing so and learning to eloquently avoid attachments to the wrong people (dating down).
3. Be curious to talk to people not only for what you want out of them but to also to prepare to introduce them to someone you think they would love. Play cupid with us! Talk about other people behind their backs, too, in the purpose of matching cool people with cool people.
4. I want ZEN METAL to create a basis of a global community of similarly thinking people who also meet in real life whenever possible.  (Carnal Elite.)
5. To help those who don’t quite fit in with ZEN METAL to find their crowd.

ZEN METAL Attitude

1. No pretense. Your normal emotions should be quite enough. We have no need (or patience, or sympathy) for empty drama. (You also don’t need to pretend to be available for a love relationship with people you’re only available for sex and friendship with.)9
2. No role-playing. ZEN METAL is about real connections, even if they never wind up reaching real life like we secretly wish they would. Don’t do or say anything you wouldn’t do in real life. (No role-playing doesn’t mean no sex. It means you do what you would somewhere you are not, with someone you would (based on your current information).)
3. Do not take pride in “dating up.” Many of us are with ZEN METAL to learn not to date down, however. Your standards better match what you can offer, not what you want to take. Your problem must be more that you tend to give more than you take, NOT that you want more than what you can fairly ask for.
4. Respect other people’s relationship wishlists, no matter how ridiculous you think it is. It’s what they want. It’s not your business unless you match 100%.
5. We do not aim for commitment. We aim for a connection. If you don’t know what that means, don’t join.
6. Become aware of people who think they’re the gold standard girlfriend or boyfriend simply because they a) can commit or b) can settle for no commitment. We think about relationships BEYOND commitment. We are not commitment-obsessed or commitment-focussed.
7. Remain open to completing great connections in real life, but don’t get bullied into it by people who will try to use this rule to wrangle a commitment out of you to prove your compliance. It’s not that important (obviously).
8. We protect each other from commitment-obsessed people.
9. Please explain yourself, your most lurid fantasies, most romantic wishes, and most impossible deal breakers on ZEN METAL locations both online and on Second Life.
10. Learn to recognize when people’s idea of themselves (ego) or their idea of reality gets threatened by what you say to the point they get aggressive with you. Don’t feel bad when someone cannot handle reality… Not for the wrong reasons, at least. Treat “truth” as consistent with reality, not as what your parents or teachers told you to be the truth.

You in Real Life (problems you can and cannot bring with you)

1. You can join if
   1. You may have an attachment disorder, commitment phobia, fear of being a disappointment, fear of being annoying, burden, obnoxious, or fear of rejection… You may have high-functioning autism (as far as your shrink thinks.) But you do not come in and test other’s patience simply because you have issues. You come in to talk about these fears, not to see who can tolerate you the longest.
   2. You believe you have an inexplainable love connection to someone you’re in love with and believe you belong with, even though you’ve barely spoken. You may be single but unavailable and you’re good to come on. (I have some stuff for you!!)
   3. If you feel people are trying to coerce you into relationships more than trying to reject you. (Feeling of this is enough, too.)
   4. You make decisions by feeling, gut instinct, blind trust etc. and can’t explain those things rationally. (This is often abused by narcissists. They know you can’t put your finger on it and they ask you to ignore your gut because it benefits them when you do.)
   5. You might find yourself somewhat of a magnet for same-sex narcissists. If you get a (negative) reaction from narcissistic people of your own gender, while being chased by the opposite without even trying to either, you’re probably our type a person. 😀
   6. You have a good sense of humor and agree that you can make fun of anything. (You laugh at Ricky Gervais, Jim Jefferies, Jimmy Car, and Matt Rife feeling no offense to your sensibilities… For the most part.)
2. You cannot join if or you will be ejected and banned if I discover 
   1. You have a
      1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I’ll be the judge of that, ultimately, considering the nature of the ailment.)
      2. Borderline Personality Disorder
      3. Histrionic Personality Disorder
      4. If you are a rejection junkie. This is like waving a red flag to a bull. You can’t come iiin, You can’t come in, you know why you can’t come in? Because you really really really think you must be accepted anywhere and you think people who reject you are better people and thus a step in a ladder you’re climbing. OR you know they’ll keep running so you hanging onto them makes them look like THEY are the problem instead of you. IF you come in, which is your thing, really, be prepared to be used as an example of a rejection junkie and be made into demonstration material whenever possible.
      5. Psychopaths are welcome because you can’t tell them no anyway. 😉
      6. Habit of taking offense for a sake of taking offense.
   2. You don’t have
      1. A sense of humor.
      2. fear of accidentally making people feel bad. You NEED TO be afraid of making people feel bad without intending to. (You can have the ability to do it on purpose, tho, but fear of doing it unintentionally. 😉 )

You can sue me for discrimination and I will win, make a huge deal out of it, and that’ll make picking a crowd by mental health into a global thing, and the next thing you know, you’ll be welcome nowhere, you’ll have nobody to manipulate, so keep your head down and fuck off before I fucking catch you.

Your Avatar

1. Consider creating a realistic shape/avatar for ZEN METAL. Save as an outfit and the usual drill, if you don’t want to swap permanently to what I suggest.
2. Please equate 1 RL meter to 1 SL meter. (Not a given on Second Life; most people are eyeballing their size and environment and they can be so off it’s scary.)
3. Try to look as realistically as much as your real-life self as possible. (Weight and Height, too.) Note that Second Life has an amazing selection of different types of bodies, heads, hairstyles, and fashions.
4. A person should feel that if they like the look of your avatar, they should also like the look of your person.
5. If you truly believe looks don’t matter, you don’t mind showing what you look like.
6. You must be able to sustain your Second Life personality/body in First Life, too. Be real. Don’t pretend. Don’t role-play. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
7. You are allowed to be much richer than you are in real. (Nobody assumes you’ve got yachts and 15 cars and 5 houses or that you own a city.)
8. You’re allowed to look younger than you are, assuming you’re over 18. It seems to be very difficult to get age right on Second Life, especially in the 35-60 bracket. Older skins exist, but the selection becomes very sparse in the middle-aged category.
9. Take this as a tip: Your animation override is the most important thing to get right after your hair. It is possible to combine different AO sets for a perfect you mix.

Feeling agreeable, albeit scared? ;p

Join Second Life and ZEN METAL, and see you there!